


Body Talk

by allforCakeCakeforall



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxiety Attacks, Calum doesn't like people seeing him weak, Calum-centric, Everything bad that has happened to Calum is in the past I promise, Fluff and Angst, I will put in notes when there is one, Light Angst, Luke knows a lot about body language, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, hints of PTSD, sad!calum, self-conscious Calum, the original male character is mentioned, there will be flashbacks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-18
Updated: 2016-07-14
Packaged: 2018-07-14 18:20:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7184990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allforCakeCakeforall/pseuds/allforCakeCakeforall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Put on a show, Cal. Don't let them see how you're drowning inside. Show them the sun in your face.</p><p>There must be a connection between waves. Even though waves crash inside Calum, they communicate with the waves in the blue eyes that watch him.</p><p>---------</p><p>The one where Luke makes Calum feel alive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pride

Calum was being watched.

He could feel the eyes burning into the back of his head as he absentmindedly scribbled down words that he prayed were similar to the ones his Calculus teacher was currently saying at an almost rapid rate. This had become a normal occurrence in his Calculus class over the past few weeks. He'd feel the eyes burning into him, ignore them as best as he could, try and discreetly look around to find the eyes boring into his head all to finally give up and try to pay attention his teacher.

He knew that at some point he'd track the eyes that would stare him down, but at this point in time he couldn't care less. He needed to pass this exam if he wanted to pass the course. 

The rest of the class went by and the eyes were relentless. Calum felt as if every move he made was being put into a journal for later analysis. Calum almost felt like an experiment and it caused him to cave in on himself in the slightest motion. Calum was never a huge fan of people, especially when they were watching him with such intensity. He should feel afraid, stalked, preyed. Beneath his anxiety, he feels a strong sense of curiosity. Why would someone spend so much time on him? Why him out of all of the 300 students in this lecture hall?

This had been happening for over a month and Calum couldn't help but wonder when this was going to end. Should he put an end to it? Should he let it be? He didn't know. All he knew was that he wanted it to stop.

Before he knew it, his professor was dismissing them. Calum looked down at his notebook only to realize that he had completely zoned out during the last half hour and missed a few pages of notes. He closed his eyes in defeat as a sigh left his mouth. Tonight he would be meeting with Ashton to get notes from him yet again due to his lack of concentration, but how could one concentrate when they have a constant feeling of being watched.

He slammed his book closed then proceeded to the door, not failing to notice the look of disappointment from his professor. He must've noticed that Calum was not fully emerged in the class today. With his eyes cast down, Calum stepped out of the room and ran a hand through his hair. He needed to find a way to ignore the eyes and the feeling that came with them, but he had no idea how.

Calum was a sitting duck, waiting to find out if he was about to be attacked or ignored by his predator, but he had to wait and see. It was a sick game of cat and mouse. 

With one last deep sigh, Calum walked down the stairs as the lingering feeling from the eyes fades away completely. He's too wrapped up in his thoughts to notice that Michael, his roommate, walks up next to him, which causes Calum to flinch when Michael puts his arm around Calum. A gasp falls from his lips and he's ready to shove the arm off and kick the person in the balls before he makes eye contact with Michael. 

Michael looks at him and laughs with his head thrown back, "You need to get your head out of the clouds, buddy. You have to pay attention to the world around you. It's only a matter of time until you bump into someone."

Calum shakes his head at his best friend and shrugs his arm off, "Shut up. I had a rough night and an even rougher calculus class today."

"Is the professor busting your ass again for not understanding the material? I don't understand why he's all over you. Most professors don't give a fuck."

"He didn't have to say anything, Mikey. It was all in the eyes. He looked at me with such disgust and it honestly went down into my soul."

Michael rolls his eyes with exaggeration, "Oh my god. Don't be so dramatic, Calum. You're making it sound like he's some type of monster."

With a shake of his head and light chuckle, Calum replies, "You don't understand, Mikey. He just gives off this vibe that he would not be afraid to slap a student."

Michael wiggles his eyebrows, "In what way?"

Calum's arm moves to hit Michael before he even processes what he's doing, "Oh my god, Michael shut up!"

Michael is full out howling by the time Calum reaches his motorcycle which is parked relatively close to Michael's car. Calum twirls his key ring around on his pointer finger as the feeling of the eyes hits him like a truck for the second time today. Calum's body tenses with fear and Michael doesn't notice the change and continues rambling about something that Calum doesn't know nor care about.

His hearing picks up any little noise around him and his mind is moving a mile a minute as crazy, impossible scenarios flood his mind. His mind comes up with scenarios on horrible things that could happen to him at the hands of the eyes that have not left him alone in weeks. He shakes his head in an attempt to clear his head of his thoughts and tries not to focus on the feeling that the eyes bring. Michael's voice is muffled and Calum tries his hardest to focus on his voice to keep him down to earth and snap him out of his imagination.

Michael waves his hand in front of Calum's face and Calum blinks wildly at the interruption of his train of thought. Calum looks down and shakes his head as Michael moves the hand to his shoulder, "Are you ok, Cal? You zoned out for a bit there man. Maybe you shouldn't ride your bike back right now."

Calum shakes his head and angrily grabs his helmet from his bag. He promised himself he wouldn't let people see his fear or insecurities. He bites his lip out of frustration at himself for letting Michael see him like that. He was supposed to be brave, not scared of a pair of eyes that watch him multiple times a week. He called it a pride thing, but he knew deep down that it was something much more than just a pride issue. When he would admit that to himself, however, he did not know. "I'm fine, Michael. Just zoned out for a bit."

Michael looks at him skeptically and arches an eyebrow, "Uh are you sure? You've been zoning out a lot lately and I just want to make sure you get home ok."

Calum slams his helmet on the seat of his motorcycle out of anger towards himself as his voice booms, "I said I'm fine Michael! I can ride my bike home. I don't need you to act like my fucking dad!"

Michael's eyes widen as Calum huffs and turns towards his bike as he quickly puts his helmet on and fastens the buckle under his chin. He straddles the bike and sighs before he looks up at Michael. Guilt flood through Calum as he sees how Michael has backed away from him a bit and is absentmindedly kicking at a pebble. Calum knew that Michael meant no harm and was just looking out for him, but Calum absolutely hates people seeing him vulnerable, scared or weak. "I- uh, sorry, Cal. I didn't mean to make you upset."

Calum's anger fades at the tone in Michael's voice. He always hates seeing his best friend sad or deflated and the fact that he had made his usually cheery friend feel that way made him feel like absolute shit. "You shouldn't be sorry, Mikey. I overreacted. I just, I have a lot going on right now."

Michael nods his head and takes a step forward, "I know you do. I just didn't realize that calculus was taking this much of a toll on you."

Calum sends a sad smile because calculus was not his biggest issue right now, but Michael didn't need to know that, ever. "Yeah. I'm probably studying with Ashton again tonight. I'm not sure how late we'll be out. I'll probably run and grab us a pizza before I go back to our dorm."

Michael beams at the word pizza and Calum smiles as Michael tries to contain his excitement, "Can you get half pepperoni? I've been craving it all week, but I've been too lazy to go and get it myself."

Calum laughs lightly and nods his head, "You got it bro."

With that, Calum starts up his motorcycle and waves goodbye to Michael before he leaves the parking lot and rides to the best pizza place on campus, and the feeling of the eyes vanishes from his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the first chapter! I've had this idea for a long time now and with summer approaching I feel like I can really develop this story in the way I want it to be. Hopefully you guys enjoy it and I'll hopefully update Wednesday!


	2. Spotted

"And once you figure out that, you then have to find the limit of this equation and- Calum are you even listening?" Ashton waves his hand in front of Calum's face out of annoyance. 

Calum's eyes widen slightly before he shakes his head and runs a hand through his hair. Ashton leans back in his chair with a glare and his arms crossed as he waits for Calum's third explanation as to why he wasn't paying attention. "I-I'm really sorry, Ash. I don't know whats wrong with me tonight. I know you're trying to help me and I've done nothing but waste your time."

Ashton's face softens and he leans forwards slightly as he sighs, "Ok yes I'm a little annoyed at your lack of concentration, but I'm worried about you, Cal. You've been zoning out a lot more lately and you don't always contribute to our conversations. I just- I just want to know if you're ok."

Calum tenses slightly and takes in a quick breath as he looks up at the glass ceiling of the food court for a moment before his eyes connect with Ashton's again, "I promise I'm ok. I've just had a lot on my mind lately."

"Is it anything I can help you with?" Ashton asks gently, but despite the gentle tone, Calum feels his walls raise slightly. "I'm your friend, Calum. You know you can talk to me about anything that's bothering you right?" He knows how Ashton is. He knows how big Ashton's heart is and how he wants to help anyone with a troubled mind. There's just one slight problem with Ashton's offer.

He doesn't feel worthy enough for Ashton's concern.

Calum really did not want to be interrogated by Ashton any more tonight. He didn't want to blow up on Ashton like he did to Michael earlier in the day since that would only further prove that something really was wrong with him. In order to calm Ashton's concern he plastered on the smile he's practiced for years and places his hand down on the table close to Ashton's, "I promise you I'm fine. If there's anything that I ever need someone to talk to about, you'll be one of the first people to know about it."

All of what he just said was a lie. He does his best not to let the guilt show on his face as Ashton finally starts to lean back in his chair and not stare at him as intently anymore. Calum feels almost instant relief when Ashton uncrosses his arms and his intense gaze fades completely into one of clarity.

"Alright I think we've done enough of calculus for the night. Do you want to maybe grab some ice cream? The shop doesn't close for another ten minutes."

Calum closes his notebook with a cocky smirk on his face as he says, "Only if you're the one paying."

Ashton scoffs and rolls his eyes playfully, "So let me get this straight. Not only did you waste my time tonight, but now you're expecting me to pay for your creamy dessert treat? I cannot believe the audacity you have to request such a thing."

"Chocolate with-"

Ashton puts his hand up and waves it around as he looks over his shoulder and says, "I know what to do."

Calum can't stop the laugh that falls from his mouth at the ridiculous and dramatic tone of Ashton's voice. Ashton gets up while laughing at himself and starts to walk in the direction of the ice cream shop. He leans back in his chair and checks his phone to make sure Michael didn't ask him to bring him back anything from the food court. At the sight of no new text messages he scrolls aimlessly on his phone to pass the time as he waits for Ashton to come back to the table with their ice cream.

Then everything freezes.

His muscles tense as the feeling of the eyes land on him for the third time today. He just can't seem to catch a break today. His shoulders raise to right under his ears as his chest tightens out of fear. What the hell does this person want with him? 

He starts to wonder if this person knows how much of an effect he has on him. Do they know how scared their stare makes him? Do they know how his body shrinks in on itself the second they start staring? Do they know how their eyes send a shiver down his spine and make his senses go on high alert?

Calum jumps in his skin when Ashton puts his ice cream cup in front of him. Ashton looks down at him questioningly but before he can even ask, Calum interrupts him, "I'm just cold is all."

Ashton scoffs at him, "You tell me this after I buy you ice cream? I hope you realize it's going to make you even colder."

Calum trues his hardest to ease the tension in his body as Ashton sits across from him and sends him a smile. Calum sends one back and he prays that it's believable. It appears to be since Ashton doesn't question him further and digs into his strawberry ice cream and sighs at the taste. Although his insides are still tense his body comes the closest it's going to be to looking normal.

Calum takes a spoonful of ice cream and puts it in his mouth and the treat does little to soothe him. Ashton starts to talk to him about his day and Calum tries to focus on the words falling from his mouth. All he really hears is that Ashton has a crush on this gorgeous blonde girl in his psychology class and is considering asking her out. His mind however is more focused on the eyes that have remained on him for the last five minutes without rest.

Calum comes back to reality when he realizes Ashton is no longer looking at his face, but slightly behind him. Ashton is no longer speaking as his eyebrows furrow slightly and he leans closer in his chair. "Cal, I think someone's watching us."

His body tightens again and he feels his short nails dig into his palms. A cold sweat takes over his body and as much as he wants to turn around to look for the eyes, he can't bring his body to turn around. He feels the eyes move from him abruptly, but his body remains tense.

Ashton is now aware of Calum's main concern. Whether Ashton knows how serious it is or not, it still scares Calum to think that Ashton will be more suspicious of this issue as well. He feels panic begin to flare in his chest and stomach. Calum's mind is filled with one thought.

He needs to get the fuck out of there now.

He does his best to send a believable smile Ashton's way as he grabs his ice cream cup and rises to his feet, "Hey what do you say we start walking back to my dorm? It's starting to get late and you can stop in to say hi to Michael. Maybe play a few rounds of fifa?"

Ashton tilts his head to the side out of confusion at Calum's lack of verbal response to someone staring at them. Ashton stares at him for a few more seconds and if he keeps standing there he knows that he will book it out of there even before he responds. Luckily Calum doesn't have to make a run for it because Ashton stands up with a shrug of his shoulders, "Why not? I need a good laugh and it can't get much better than Michael raging at a video game."

Calum chuckles lightly and speed walks to the door with Ashton following behind him. His body falls into a more relaxed position with every step he takes away from the food court. Ashton walks next to him and tries to make small talk while Calum focuses on finishing his ice cream.

He needs to learn how to cope with this.


End file.
